The Barsky Blog

I bet the 5th grader would have kept the million in a very large piggy bank…

School Chief goes Bankrupt

SlinkSlinky Co-Founder dies

It took two people to invent the Slinky?

Wow.  What a new low…

Why waste your time on the players when you have a bigger target in Charlie Weis?  He is the one who recruited these guys in the first place!

Also, it would have been funny to see Charlie Weis catch a snowball and immediately turn it into an Italian Ice.

Holy Snowball

This is my first halloween at my condo and so far i’m dissapointed with the turnout (or should I say lack of turnout).

I didn’t expect to get hundreds of ghosts, goblins, rabbis, priests, cheerleaders, football players, obamas, mccains, firefighters, hannah montanas, corrambos, and gorilla’s wearing Cleveland Browns jerseys…but perhaps a handful?

I should have thought twice before going to Rite Aid today to purchase 5 bags of candy.  I guess in a way I was optimistic that the kids that live in my development would choose 3 flights of stairs for the sububrbs.  Guess I was wrong.

Looks like I’ll be munching on crunch bars, twix bars, and nerds over the next month or so.

At least I have a dentist appointment scheduled in January.

Dumb.  Really Dumb.  Incredibly Dumb.  Beyond Dumb.  Dumb.

Last Saturday, I woke up early to get ready to attend a wedding in PA. While I was getting ready I noticed my iPhone headphones were missing. I was in a frenzy trying to find them (because I use them as my hands free device while driving). After a quick search I decided to call my friend who drove me to the bar the previous night (I went there to celebrate my 30th birthday) and asked him if he could locate them. he called me back a few minutes later with the bad news.I could look no longer, I had to leave my place or else I would be late for the wedding!

However, while I was walking downstairs my next door neighbor saw me and asked if I got my headphones. she told met hat she found them outside my door and placed them on the mat. I told her I didn’t see them and hurried upstairs to check (thinking I was stepping right over them).

Unfortunately, when I arrived upstairs the headphones were gone. My neighbor was shocked because she put them there herself. She said she would ask her kids (just in case they accidentally picked them up). I told her if she found them to just hang them around my door knob for my arrival on Sunday.

After I returned home on Sunday there was still no sign of the headphones and I lost hope (since it was more than 24 hours). I came to terms with my loss and decided I would purchase a new set in a few days. I just figured a solicitor (there were menus hanging from my door Saturday morning) snatched them.

However, my hope was restored Monday afternoon when I returned home for lunch. My neighbor was peeking her head outside her door while I was walking upstairs and told me to hold on (while she retrieved the headphones). At this moment though, one of her three dogs (the puppy) ran outside, down three flights of stairs, and eventually stopped 10 yards from the road. My neighbor was screaming at the dog and chased after it downstairs. She yelled at me to close her door so the other two dogs wouldn’t escape. After I closed the door I looked over the stairway railing only to see my neighbor tip toeing slowly towards the dog (so she wouldn’t scare it). She eventually picked up the puppy and brought it back upstairs.

After a brief delay she came back outside and handed me headphones asking me if they were mine. At first glance they did not look like mine. They were very dirty (mine were brand new and white) and one of the ear buds appeared damaged. however, I politely said “yes” and made my way inside to inspect. After doing so, I discovered that my first instinct was correct and that the headphones my neighbor handed me were not my headphones! I was befuddled… What were the chances that someone would drop their headphones right outside the door on the same night that I lost my headphones? Something just didn’t make sense…

After this discovery I knocked on my neighbors door to inform her that the headphones she returned to me were in fact, not mine. When I did this she told me to hold on one more time. After waiting for a moment she returned with another pair of headphones that looked EXACTLY like mine. In fact, after a brief inspection I was 100% confident that these headphones were mine. I promptly thanked my neighbor again and began to ask her questions about the other pair of headphones. I was just very curious what the hell happened…

Then, at that same moment that damn puppy tried to escape again! Luckily, I caught him in his tracks and returned him to my neighbor. At that moment, I decided it was best to not to ask anymore questions so my neighbor could close my door and that damn puppy could live another day!

It is Bagel Day! Yes, that’s right every Friday at my company one very lucky individual gets to bring in approximately 2 dozen bagels, cream cheese, and butter.
Sometimes, in rare cases, someone decides to be nice and bring in orange juice!With all bagel days there is controversy. At times the bagels are stale (the bagel picker upper obviously was lazy and purchased the bagels the night before), the
bagels are non-existent (the bagel picker upper purchases 12 bagels for 20 people), they are dry (the bagel picker upper is cheap and decides to purchase the smallest container of cream cheese on the shelf causing everyone to use less on their bagel), and my favorite . . . tardiness (the bagel picker upper decides to pick up the bagels at the start of the work day causing every bagel day participant’s stomach to growl for an extra 30-45 minutes.

However, today, at my company something that I never even dreamed of occurred. Bagel Day became “Jewish”. That’s right; the designated bagel picker upper is Jewish and decided to purchase many Jewish things to accompany the bagels. In addition to the cream cheese she decided to bring in a tray of salmon with orange marmal’fingade coated on top. If that wasn’t enough, she also brought in a container of white-fish salad. I could have invited my entire family and friends, my coworker’s families and friends, and threw myself the bar-mitzvah I never had! She even made sure the presentation was perfect. Most of the time the bagel picker upper throws the bag on the table. . . But nope . . .not good enough. This bagel day picker upper lined a basket with napkins and delicately placed each and every bagel in the basket.

Even worse, is when the bagel picker upper left the kitchen my coworkers’ immediately turned to me to ask me what half the shit on the table was.

I never thought someone could turn bagel day into “show off your religion day”. Until today….

La’chaim

1.  What newspapers did your campaign staff tell you to tell us that you read?

2.  How many igloos do you own?

3.  Why do you call it a snow machine when the rest of the world calls it something different?

4..  As Vice President, would you lick your hand and place it on top of John McCain’s head if he had a piece of hair sticking up?

5.  Are you a cold stuck up bitch because you live in Alaska or are you just inherently a cold stuck up bitch?

6.  What was your reaction when you heard Sarah Palin was going to be on John McCain’s ticket?

7.  Do you even know who Sarah Palin is?

8.  I can see Russia looking at a map.  What’s your point?

9.  If you were an M&M what color would you be and why?

10.  Seriously, do you know who Sarah Palin is?

I know this past year has been full of highs and lows for your wonderful city.

Let’s recap…

The Highs:

1. The Boston Red Sox won the World Series in sweeping fashion against the Colorado Rockies.

2. The Boston Celtics won the NBA Championship.

3. St. Patrick’s Day remained on the calendar.

4. Ted Kennedy was stricken with cancer.

The Lows:

1. Manny Ramirez is no longer a member of the Red Sox and the phrase “Manny is just being Manny” is no longer an acceptable phrase to place on tee shirts, and signs.

2. Jason Bay is a member of the Boston Red Sox.

3. The New England Patriots quest for an undefeated season was denied by the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII (unless you live in some poor village in Africa).

4. Tom Brady will miss the entire NFL season due to a knee injury suffered in Week 1 of the regular season.

5. Tom Brady will miss the entire NFL season due to a knee injury suffered in Week 1 of the regular season.

6. Tom Brady will miss the entire NFL season due to a knee injury suffered in Week 1 of the regular season.

7. Tom Brady will miss the entire NFL season due to a knee injury suffered in Week 1 of the regular season.

8. Spygate

9. Ted Kennedy was stricken with cancer.

10. Your bathrooms were rated #1 most disgusting by “The Barsky Blog” for 2008.***

*** Editor’s Note…

After a brief visit to Boston and its surrounding neighborhoods “The Barsky Blog” has declared Boston to have the most disgusting, most vile, dirtiest, and smelliest bathrooms for 2008.

In fact, in an unprecedented move the Barsky Blog (even though it didn’t exist in previous years) has declared Boston to have the most disgusting, most vile, dirtiest, and smelliest bathrooms for the years 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, and 2007.

Congratulations Boston! You have finally won something that you actually deserve! 

On another note, with this latest news your Boston has surpassed its own record by exciting the most number of people in history!  The first was when it was announced that Tom Brady had a season-ending knee injury.  However, the new record is for exciting a BILLION people in China when they learned their bathrooms have moved from #1 most disgusting, most vile, dirtiest, and smelliest bathrooms to #2 on the list.

Throw yourself a tea party Boston! You deserve it after this massacre.

Penn state sucks!!!!